Perfect Pitch: What it is when you throw a banjo in a dumpster and it didn't hit the sides.4:58 AM Aug 10thPowered By Tweetglide | Permalink
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.3:45 AM Aug 10thPowered By Tweetglide | Permalink
Why I don't work in a cubical: Fabric cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gunfire.2:23 AM Aug 10thPowered By Tweetglide | Permalink
Phonecrastinate: To put off answering the phone until caller ID identifies the caller.1:41 AM Aug 10thPowered By Tweetglide | Permalink
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.5:06 PM Aug 9thPowered By Tweetglide | Permalink
Raisin: Grape with a sunburn.4:02 PM Aug 9thPowered By Tweetglide | Permalink
Why I don't work in a cubical: Lack of roof rafters for the noose.3:01 PM Aug 9thPowered By Tweetglide | Permalink
Rubberneck: What you do to relax your wife.2:10 PM Aug 9thPowered By Tweetglide | Permalink
Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!1:26 PM Aug 9thPowered By Tweetglide | Permalink
Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done. --Sam Ewing12:44 PM Aug 9thPowered By Tweetglide | Permalink
Never think life is not worth living or that you cannot make a difference. Never give up. --Marcia Wright-Edelman11:52 AM Aug 9thPowered By Tweetglide | Permalink
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water. --Unknown10:54 AM Aug 9thPowered By Tweetglide | Permalink
After looking at the bill for my operation, I understand why the doctors wear masks in the operating room. --Unknown9:28 AM Aug 9thPowered By Tweetglide | Permalink
Why I don't work in a cubical: Men: Co-workers tend to stare when you take your pants off.7:18 AM Aug 9thPowered By Tweetglide | Permalink
I'm not beautiful like you. I'm beautiful like me. --Joy Drop, Beautiful6:05 AM Aug 9thPowered By Tweetglide | Permalink
If you eat a live toad first thing in the morning, nothing worse can happen for the rest of the day. --Unknown4:58 AM Aug 9thPowered By Tweetglide | Permalink
The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.4:14 AM Aug 9thPowered By Tweetglide | Permalink
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